Immortal Beloved

Last night I watched the movie Immortal Beloved, which I had not seen before, about the life of Beethoven. Beethoven’s music is the entire soundtrack. I haven’t listened to it for years. The music carried me away; it took me to a place I have not visited for years, of cataclysmic sadness, grief, and yearning. When I was a teenager, I used to listen to classical music because it helped me to understand my own emotions, which were otherwise difficult for me to reach.

Now I feel as if I just have recovered from a serious illness, and last night the fever broke. It has left me calm, but exhausted. The onset of the disease was somewhere around four years ago. During these years I was hypervigilant, worried about new symptoms of the disease, anxious lest an even worse onslaught might occur. Today I am recovering, grateful to have survived.

This pandemic has been the fever that brought our collective disease to its crisis point and marshaled our defenses to battle it. Like any recovering patient, we are weak yet, and we must take care to rebuild our health. A relapse is still possible.

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